I have wanted to write this post all week, but can't seem to find the emotional strength I thought it might take to express myself. See, I have been reading Cormac McCarthy's "The Road". It is very intense ... and very foreboding ... and all too real ... and all too emotional for me to even try to finish reading. In a nutshell, it is a love story between a father and a son. It takes place after America has been bombed to near dust. The pair must make a post-apocalyptic journey to the coast in hopes of finding food and better shelter. All the while, horrific things are happening all around them ... and this Dad is doing all he can to protect and shelter his child from the cruel world they now face.
At one point, while travelling, the man looks out at the barren landscape through his binoculars ... seeking to find a sign of life. When he could find nothing ... "He lowered the glasses and pulled down the cotton mask from his face and wiped his nose on the back of his wrist and then glassed the country again. Then he just sat there holding the binoculars and watching the ashen daylight congeal over the land. He knew only that the child was his warrant. He said: If he is not the voice of God God never spoke."
That line hit me with such a force, that I had to put the book down in order to recover from it. (I swear that I am not being dramatic. I had to take the time to absorb those words before I could go on. And I wiped several tears from my eyes in the process.) Isn't that how we all feel about our children? I look at Isaac and because of him, I know that God exists... because if Isaac is not the best that God has to offer this world, than God has no hand in anything. Do you feel what I am trying to say? It is an emotion that feels impossible to convey.
And then, to feel the passion that this man has for getting his son to safety ... for providing him food and shelter ... and above all ... for doing all he can to give his boy hope in the midst of this incredible disaster ... well, it was more than I could bear. Because it is too real for me right now ... given the state of our country... and given the world's opinion of us.
Forgive me for getting slightly political here ... but it cannot be helped. I, like every parent, want my child to be safe in this world. And because of our Middle East policies (i.e. interfering in mid east civil wars, aiding Israel in their fight against the Palestinians, setting up permanent military bases in Muslim holy lands, initiating a war in Iraq, protecting our oil interests at all costs, nation building where we are not wanted, ticking off Iran, etc...etc...) I truly fear for my son's life and for the future of my country (that I love). I fear major retaliations in the near future. I fear that I may one day be in the position of this Father in "The Road".
Thus, I have made a major political decision, that has most of my friends in complete shock - I have changed political parties (something I swore on pain of death that I would never do!) in order to vote for this man in the Presidential Primaries.
(For more info as to why I have made this decision, watch this, this and this.) I may disagree with this man on some social issues, but how can I worry about that when what is most important at this time is the safety of my country. I will worry about more specific social issues later when I have the luxury to do so.
Though I swore that I would never share my politics on this blog, reading "The Road" prompted me to express myself on this matter ... for the sake of Isaac ... who is surely the voice of God. I hope you understand ... love for a child can do that to a Mommy. It can morph her life into something she never could have expected. And she wouldn't change it for anything.
And because Master Yoda has taught me not to give in to fear... as fear leads to anger ... anger leads to hate ... and hate leads to suffering ... I am going to do my best to remain positive and optimistic about the future :) For those with no clue what I am referring to, please read this.
Anyway, it is clear that I will never be the same person again. I have seen the eyes of God, I have heard God's voice, and I have held God's hand. And I will do anything within my power to protect him in every way possible. Even if that means becoming a Republican (temporarily at least). I can't believe that I just wrote those words. Ahh... Motherhood.
P.S. For the record, I switched parties before reading the book. I had given that candidate much consideration in light of our country's current circumstances and their implication for the future of my son.