Dear Diary: Installment #6.

April 10, 1987
10:30 pm

"Dear Diary -

Well, the dance is over. the last 10 min.'s were the worst of my life.

O.K. I'll start from the beginning:

I got there and every one was outside. They looked great, but after looking around, I realized that I looked pretty good too! I went in with Danielle and Jen. I put my coat & stuff down and started to talk to people. Then Kris (Whitmore) walked in & then all my friends started piling in. Well ... we started dancing and I felt awkward (cause I hadn't danced in a while). So ... I saw Craig & the guys on the bleachers (acting crazy).

Well, after a while I was really starting to dance good. After missing the first slow song, I asked Craig to dance w/me (on the next).

Well, after a couple dances with him I went to get a drink. Well, as I was drinking, a slow song came on and when I went back in Craig was mad 'cause I was gone. So of course I turned to Chris Riendeau for advice. He said, "Jodi, I really think you should dump him now." And I said, "No Chris, I love him!"

Well Chadd (Edman) came along, sat next to me and started talking to me about Craig. He told me to break up with him too. He even asked me if I would let him punch Craig (cause he hates him). of course, I said Noooo!

Why do I love him?

Anyways, I went and talked to him at the top of the bleachers and as the guys were screaming "Ya, go for it!" (ands lots of other things), I talked to him and asked him why he was mad at me cause someone told me he was. Well, of course he asked me who told me. He gave me that look that said, "If you don't tell me it's over." So, I had to tell him Chris & Chadd said that. So Chris came to the top of the bleachers to see what was going on and Craig pulled him by the shirt and started yelling at him. I felt terrible even though I knew he was 1/2 kidding.

Well, (I'm skipping a lot of things) later on " I Miss You" came on & Jen started crying so I went and hugged her. Well, that really chipped Craig off!!! He wouldn't talk to me, so I stormed off. Well, I don't know exactly what happened after but I went up to Craig and Danny and started asking them what was wrong. Well he told me he hates all my friends. Well, I explained that I love my friends! (That didn't help). Kris and Craig were giving eachother the finger all night.

At the end of the dance (almost) Craig & them walked off and I went after them (expecting a good night kiss). Well after asking him if he could just stay for the last dance (No) he walked off without even saying goodbye. I started to ball my eyes out and Kris W. saw me so she started crying. Walking and crying we went to get our jackets. When I was all set to leave, all the girls came up to me and kept telling me he was a loser and I'm too good for him. Well, if he's so bad, why do I love him?Well Kris cried harder than ever while telling me that Chris told her before the dance that he was gonna break up with me at the dance. She cried and told me she was sorry.

Maybe he likes me now, now that he had time to get to know me. But then,  why did he leave without saying goodbye? I love Chris, Chadd and Kris. They are so  good to me!

Well, here are some other things that happened:

Jen and Tim are going out, cause Tim asked her. 

Darlene was nice to me! (and later she started crying).

Christian finally got to know me.

My hair stayed half way decent.

Well, I'll talk to you more about the dance tomorrow!

Love ya,
Me"

Wisdom of this entry: Oh where do I begin? Here we see the typical drama of a preteen school dance. Girl loves boy. Boy plays hard to get. Girl's friends beg her to stop chasing boy. Girl doesn't listen. Classic. But one thing I didn't know then, that I would later learn in a very hard way ... is that the boys that are your "friends" who tell you to break up with another boy ... well, they aren't really interested in your well-being ... but rather, they want to become the next boyfriend. Every. Time. Without fail. Unless they are gay. Listen to the gays. They actually do have your back (I'm looking at you, Danny).

Oh - and crying. These dances were clearly put together by adult staff in an effort to create an atmosphere of emotional torture that would thus elicit sloppy tears. Teachers and chaperones must have considered this payback for all the crap we put them through (I'm looking at you Mr. Grady).

Of further note, Craig is not a loser. He's one of the kindest men I know. And I miss his face. And his candor. And clearly, he still owes me a goodnight kiss. ;)

Dear Diary: Installment #5.

April 10, 1987

"Diary -

Its before the dance - (around 4pm). I truly don't feel like going !! Craig wrote me a nice note but he still doesn't talk to me. You know that embarrassing question he was gonna ask me ... well he did. He asked me if I ever made out with a boy. I didn't tell him (yet).

Well, Tim is keeping a big secret from me. I'm real upset about that! See ... after the dance, everyone is going to Ho-Jo's (except me) and something "big" is gonna happen w/ Craig and no one will tell me!

Chris Riendeau was arguing with Tim 'cause he wanted Tim to tell me but he still didn't!

I'll have to write more after the dance.

Love ya,
Jodi"

Wisdom of this entry: Friends shouldn't keep secrets. Not about what is going down after a dance. That's just rude. And if you are reading this Craig (and I love that I know you are reading every entry) .... the answer is Yes. I made out with Patrick Deware in 7th grade. And I got in SO much trouble for it with Brother Phil. SO much detention. Honestly, I think Brother Phil was jealous. I'm pretty sure he wanted to make out with Patrick.

Dear Diary: Installment #4.

April 9th, 1987

"Dear Diary,

I can go to the dance 2-morrow! Yippee Skipee!! My clothes look great and I just got my hair cut. At first I didn't like it, but then I moussed it and its great! I'm so excited except that Craig hasn't talked to me. But with him you never know!

So ... I'll just wait it out! And if he doesn't love me anymore I'll be sad but I won't let it get to me. Like a lot of my friends have been telling me, I can find someone else. I don't want to sound cruel though. He is a good friend. Maybe that's all he can be!

Love,
Me

P.S. Thank you Lord for blessing me."

Wisdom of this entry: If you don't love me anymore, I won't let it get to me. So, move along.

 (Who was this strong girl? I need to find her within myself again.)

Dear Diary. Installment #3.

April 8, 1987
6:15 pm

"Diary,

My mom is packing, my father's working on odd jobs, and my brother's in love.

Today has not been a very good day.

Craig did not write me a note all day. (But if its one thing I've learned - its that you can never know when to expect a note from him).

Also, during gym (which I hate) someone asked me if I had a black eye, because I had huge bags under my eyes (since I was up till 11:00 last night).

Also, I've needed a pair of sneakers for a week (cause the dog ate mine) and know one will give me a ride to the store. That really bugs me, seeing I do a lot of work around the house.

Well, now for the best part of the day (I mean that sarcastically). When I came home, I got a letter from the mail, written by Kris W. Its very emotional. Reading it made me cry. And it made me think. I really need her! I love her D/N/Q.

I'll quote something she wrote me:
"Never in my life have I met a person who I would do anything for ... you are that person. You are a very special part of me and when you go, that special part of me will go, too. You are like a dream (come true), never going to stay 4-ever and I should have prepared myself for the time when this awesome dream would end."

That is just a small part of this rather long letter.

I don't know if I am really all she claims I am but I know that we have a special relationship. I have never had a friend that I've loved so much. Lord, she is the greatest, most miraculous thing (person) I've ever been blessed with. I have never had such an emotional problem in my life. I've never had to deal with such a thing.

My friends at Fairgrounds are so great. I've learned to see the good in every one. And to love the people for who they are.

Mindy, Kristin W., Crystal, Chris R., etc ... have been such great influences on me. I love them! Please Lord, you can't do this to me.

Well... I've enclosed the note Kris wrote me (and the one Craig wrote yesterday).

All I have to say is, the last day of school is going to be the worst day of my life (and I'm not just saying that! - it's worst then dieing!)

Love,
Me"

Wisdom from that entry: I survived leaving Fairgrounds, but returned after a year because my parents couldn't take my sadness for one more second. As I read this ... I am reminded of how WILD I still am about my friends and how deeply I appreciate them. So grateful to still be friends with most of the people mentioned in my diary :)

Also, I still hate gym & the dogs still eat my sneakers.

Dear Diary. Installment #2:

April 4, 1987:

"Dear Diary,

Today, Craig wrote me a note (included in box). I was so excited. Hugging is the first step ... I guess!

Anyway, after loads of persuasion by Kristin Whitmore, I got up the guts to call him (my parents weren't home - they went to a funeral for Judy's Mom).

At first he sounded like he didn't care about me but I think as we talked we both realized we could "open" up to eachother. Of course, Jamie didn't help much (he kept screaming so I couldn't hear Craig). Somehow  ... we started talking about ourselves, telling eachother who we think we are and describing ourselves. Well - he told me (seriously) that he is real perverted. I guess I believe him ... He was being serious too! Well then he asked me who I am (actually in a round about way). So - after much thought I confessed that I am a dreamer. He didn't know exactly what I meant, but it felt good to tell it. I shouldn't tell him too much but sometimes it feels good to say certain things. (He also told me he has big feet - whether he was being sarcastic or not, I don't know). I've also learned that it is hard to tell if he's just trying to be funny of if he's serious. Maybe it'll take time to figure that out. Hopefully, if he's not too perverted, I'll have all the time in the world with him to figure out if he's serious or not!

Love,
Jodi"

Wisdom from the entry: Being less perverted may get you to first base.

Grammer comments: I still forget that eachother is two separate words. I apparently used "air quotes" twenty something years ago too. And I love these little dots ... and these little dashes -. Still.

I Found my 8th Grade Diary & Secret Notes. Dear Diary Installment #1:

The year is 1987. It is my first year in public school. I no longer have to wear uniforms. I am 13 years old ... 5'11" and wear a 36C bra. I am gorgeous but don't know it. I am incredibly awkward (still am). Public school kids are a totally new concept. Every day I am trying to figure out how to fit in. And then there is this boy I am totally crushing on. It's not my now husband. He's in my classes too ... but he's the guy I can't stand. This never-finished book is mostly about Craig ... and it starts over half way through the school year ...

April 2nd, 1987:

"Dear Diary,

I don't know exactly where to start. See, I wrote a letter to Craig Reynolds asking him if he would like to go out with me. It was a courageous thing to do! Well anyway, he said "Yes". But he didn't say it to my face. I had the guts enough to come out and ask him, why couldn't he at least tell me "Yes" in a letter. I'm not mad. I just wanna know if he really cares about me. I guess I love him. It's hard to say. People say that I made a real bad mistake. How will I know? It's only been a day. Maybe tomorrow he'll open up. I'll tell you tomorrow.

I want to write more but I don't think I should. This is enough for one day.

Love,
Jodi"

Wisdom of this entry: It's hard to know if it's true love, when it's only been a day.