Today is the end of Day 3 of sitting by my Dad's bed in ICU/CCU. I wash his face, I help him walk, I move him into more comfortable positions, I make sure the nurses are giving him the the best care, etc. Mom also does all of this and more. Tonight, I am alone in caring for him, as my Mom finally went home to bathe and sleep. And I am filled with varied emotions.
I feel slightly scared ... as I sometimes feel helpless in meeting his needs. I feel joy ... that Dad is alive and making progress. I feel fortunate that I am not crying over the loss of my Daddy ... like the girl in the waiting room. I also feel terribly sad for that girl in the waiting room. I feel closer to my Mom and Brother ... as we are all in this together. I feel a bit overwhelmed at what the future of Dad's care will be ... and whether I am up to the task.
But mostly, I feel like family ... no matter its dysfunctions ... is so incredibly important. I have done things for Dad this week that I never would have believed I could stomach. But he is my Daddy ... and that makes all the difference. And sometimes we need to forgive one another for all our trespasses (both past & present) because the love that we share as family is so much more than our petty differences. And when the "sh*t hits the the fan" ,,, more often than not, they are the ones who come to our rescue.
Anyway - I am so exhausted right now, so I have no idea if I am making any sense. Just speaking from the heart I guess.
Sorry for all the delayed posts. I will begin posting regularly again soon. I have a bunch of great ideas coming up ... just need to get Daddy home first.
Love to you all.