Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Fever.


The moment that I met my son - he was lethargic with a high fever. And I sobbed. First because I was so excited and overwhelmed to meet my baby, then because I was so afraid that there was something wrong with him. I kept turning to the director of the orphanage with pleas of "What is wrong with my baby?" ... "What do you have to relieve his fever?" ... "How long has he been like this?", etc. I would later learn that they did not have any medicines to relieve his fever - just antibiotics that they were injecting into his little body in case he had an infection. I was frantic with worry. I had just met my baby and it took only seconds for me to become his Mommy. I immediately felt the heavy weight of all that intense love and concern a Mommy feels for her child.... The endless concern, the endless worry, and the eternal and boundless love.

I spent that whole first night with my son - back at the hotel - trying to cool his burning fever. Thank God a fellow traveller gave us a bottle of Infant Tynelol ... which brought Isaac nearly instant relief. We administered it to him throughout our brief weekend stay and were thus able to enjoy our bright and cheerful boy.

Once we returned to the states, we were able to secure a very generous donation to the orphanage of about 30 bottles of both Infant & Children's Tylenol by a local doctor. We shipped these out right away and felt some peace that our son would find relief from fever when needed.

So, why I am telling you all this story now? Because I think it has something to do with the fact that my husband and I both shed some tears this evening as we held our feverish child. Poor Isaac is having a hard time getting over the flu. Yet I think his parents may be having an even harder time of it. Though we certainly have the medicines to reduce his fever, and we have the means to get him medical attention if necessary, and we live in a world of 24-hour pharmacies ... Vapo-Rub ... humidifiers... etc. I think we still share some PTSD regarding the helplessness we felt over Isaac's well being from the time he was first placed in our arms until the moment he finally came home to us (a 9-month span). While he was in Haiti, we had no control over his health care, his nourishment, his comfort ... anything. It was Hell. I promise you. Imagine giving birth to your child and then having him/her taken away from you for 9-months and put into the care of strangers. That is the only way I can describe it. And even that doesn't sum it up.

Anyway, I don't think those feelings go away ... even after your child comes home. The pain is still there ... somewhere ... and sometimes it leaks out. And when our Isaac has a fever ... Halis and I get very emotional ... to the point of tears. Tonight we both stared at our baby boy as he struggled to sleep ... and then we looked at one another ... and we both knew that if we dug underneath the surface of our sadness ... we might fall apart. So we didn't. And instead, we prepared for a long night of taking turns nursing our boy.

Sleep well baby Isaac. Mommy and Daddy are here to comfort you... always.


Love,

Mommy & Daddy

13 comments:

Paula said...

I can't even begin to imagine what those 9 months must have been like for you. As a mommy who has shared an ambulance ride and the Intensive Care ward with her 4 month old baby and spent countless hours in emergency rooms with that same baby, I can understand your tears and the pain you feel for your sick little man. I hope your baby sleeps well and healthy days are soon back for him.
XOXO

Missy said...
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Missy said...
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Missy said...

hi jodi :) what a horrible flu going around. it does break a parents heart to see our children ill. our family has been fighting the same flu.
i do share in your feelings......i too have overwhelming feelings of sadness. it took 16 months to get our nic home. i can honestly say, i could not go through that again. too much for me. thank you for sharing your deep feeling with me. i do cherish your blog.

love, missy

feel better sweet issac!

Linda said...

It just doesn't make any sense why these things should have to take so long, when it hurts both the children and parents.

Tim & Sarah said...

Oh Jodi, I hate that little Issac isn't feeling well. I hope he is better very soon! I cannot imagine going through what you went through. I do wonder, how did you all get him home in 9 months? Is the process taking that much longer these days? I dread the wait, and daily look in my email for updates.

Jodi Renshaw said...

Paula,

UGH! I can't imagine - and hope I never have to - having my baby in intensive care. Bless you & that child for all you went through. We all have a story, don't we???

Love,
Jodi

Jodi Renshaw said...

Thank you Missy. We both know how hard adoption can be don't we? All in all, it took 13 months to get Isaac home... from paperwork to homecoming. And like you, I dont think I could do it again. After tons of thought and vacilating between decisions ... we are persuing a domestic adoption this time and have already contacted our caseworker & agency. But I expect some bumps on this road too.

Thanks for sharing your life with me Missy.

Love,
jodi

Jodi Renshaw said...

Sarah,

As you may have seen me tell Missy, it actually took about 13 months from referral to homecoming. But it only took 10 months from Dossier to Homecoming. Knowing what I now know, I always recommend that families have their dossier ready before they accept a referral. Lessens the timeline. Also, we worked with a very proactive agency that helped us to set up meetings with the Haitian Minister of Adoption (something that Three As does not allow). And because of some of the proactive things we did, we were able to get our son home sooner than other parents. But to assure you, we NEVER did anything illegal. We never paid a bribe. And we never did anything unethical. We just had lots of folks working on our side to move the process along (placing bugs in people's ears and firecrackers up their b*tts - if you know what I mean). This was alot easier to do before the new management at Three As. And the former orphanage keepers (Suzan & Menes) were very active in helping us as well. Now things are a little more secretive at Three As - and families are less informed regarding the process. (Something I had hoped & prayed would change). Anyway, if there is anything I can do to help your process (though I feel so far removed from it now) ... I would be happy to. It is SO hard ... and us adoptive families need to stick together.

Love,
Jodi

Jodi Renshaw said...

Linda,

You are right. There needs to be a better way. Perhaps someday I can hone my efforts in that direction, and help to make a change :) For now, I just want to build my family. Hoping for 2 more boys through adoption! I guess its like giving birth, you forget the pain ... and still get pregnant again... because the end result is so incredibly wonderful.

Love,
Jodi

Varenia Jensen said...

what a touching story, I hope your little one feels better soon.

Perla said...

This post brought tears to my eyes. There are some things that you and I don't need to explain to each other, even though we haven't had the chance to talk in a long time, huh? Love you and I see this post is back some days so I hope Isaac is in tip-top shape now!

Felicia said...

What a sweet story! Thank you so much for sharing this!